**F(x) walks into a bar, the landlord says "Sorry we don't cater for functions"**
Why is 1 scared of 7
Because 7, 8, 9!
**How they prove that all odd integers higher than 2 are prime?**
Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, and by induction - every odd integer higher than 2 is a prime. Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime,... Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime, 11 is a prime,... Programmer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime,... Salesperson: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- we'll do for you the best we can,... Computer Software Salesperson: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be prime in the next release,... Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- results have not arrived yet,... Advertiser: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 11 is a prime,... Lawyer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- there is not enough evidence to prove that it is not a prime,... Accountant: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, deducing 10% tax and 5% other obligations. Statistician: Let's try several randomly chosen numbers: 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime, 11 is a prime... Professor: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest are left as an exercise for the student. Computational linguist: 3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an odd prime, 9 is a very odd prime,... Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it,...
There are three kinds of mathematicians: those who can count and those who can't.
There are two groups of people in the world; those who believe that the world can be divided into two groups of people, and those who don't.
There are two groups of people in the world: Those who can be categorized into one of two groups of people, and those who can't.
The Flood is over and the ark has landed. Noah lets all the animals out and says, "Go forth and multiply."
A few months later, Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes. "What's the problem?" says Noah. "Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes.
Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how the trees helped?"
"Certainly", say the snakes. "We're adders, so we need logs to multiply."
What is the integral of "one over cabin" with respect to "cabin"? Answer: Natural log cabin + c = houseboat.
A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to a western country. They drove to the airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and found there was no pilot on board. Terrified, they listened as the sirens got louder. Finally, one of the scientists suggested that since he was an experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft.
He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The sirens got louder and louder. Armed men surrounded the jet. The would be pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please take off now!!! Hurry!!!"
The experimentalist calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane."
**What is "pi"?**
Mathematician:Pi is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter. Engineer:Pi is about 22/7. Physicist:Pi is 3.14159 plus or minus 0.000005 Computer Programmer:Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision. Nutritionist:You one track math-minded fellows, Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!
**Top ln(e^10) reasons why e is better than pi**
10)e is easier to spell than pi. 9)pi ~= 3.14 while e ~=2.718281828459045. 8)The character for e can be found on a keyboard, but pi sure can't. 7)Everybody fights for their piece of the pie. 6)ln(pi^1) is a really nasty number, but ln(e^1) = 1. 5)e is used in calculus while pi is used in baby geometry. 4)'e' is the most commonly picked vowel in Wheel of Fortune. 3)e stands for Euler's Number, pi doesn't stand for squat. 2)You don't need to know Greek to be able to use e. 1)You can't confuse e with a food product.
**Top ten reasons why e is inferior to pi**
10)e is less challenging to spell than pi. 9)e ~=2.718281828459045, which can be easily memorized to its billionth place, whereas pi needs "skills" to be memorized. 8)The character for e is so cheap that it can be found on a keyboard. But is special (it's under "special symbols" in word processor programs.) 7)Pi is the bigger piece of pie. 6)e has an easy limit definition and infinite series. The limit definition of pi and the infinite series are much harder. 5)e you understand what it is even though you start learning it late when you're in pre-calculus. But pi, even after five or six years it's still hard to know what it really is. 4)People mistakenly confuse Euler's Number (e) with Euler's Constant (gamma). There is no confusion with the one and only . 3)e is named after a person, but pi stands for itself. 2)Pi is much shorter and easier to say than "Euler's Number". 1)To read pi, you don't have to know that Euler's name is really pronounced Oiler. |